The Stealerers-J

[12:07] <~bluesoul> also, so one of these skips has the trope of "it's a bag with a random item that means a thing to a person"
[12:08] <~bluesoul> and i just had an idea for a -J of a bag that produces random items, and it turns out it's just shoplifting shit from the walmart down the road
[12:11] <uraniumempire> g-d, you need to write that or i will
[12:12] <~bluesoul> i think i may
[12:12] <~bluesoul> and that's the thing, i can come up with -Js pretty readily, the mainlist shit has felt impossible
[12:13] <~bluesoul> i wonder, rather than a bag, an anomalous shed full of items
[12:13] <~bluesoul> they keep going back every so often and taking and cataloguing the items
[12:13] <uraniumempire> i mean
[12:13] <~bluesoul> and every time they go back, there's a new chain or lock
[12:14] <uraniumempire> with a bag, i can easily see it like
[12:14] <~bluesoul> and it turns out they've just been burglarizing some poor bastard's shed
[12:14] <uraniumempire> end with the bag being arrested at the end
[12:14] <uraniumempire> bluesoul, LMAO
[12:14] <uraniumempire> that's also really good
[12:15] <~bluesoul> like, they just keep cataloguing stuff
[12:15] <~bluesoul> old family photos
[12:15] <~bluesoul> like there's gonna be some mystery
[12:15] <~bluesoul> no, people live in that house and we're literally just stealing shit
[12:16] <~bluesoul> you could even do a diary bit
[12:16] <~bluesoul> and have it be a total non-story
[12:16] <~bluesoul> jesus i think i have to do this
[12:16] <uraniumempire> you definitely need to


[19:26] <~bluesoul> did you see the pitch
[19:28] <~bluesoul> also if we're actually doing collabcon UIU/Pentagram we should stick a team name up there
[19:29] <aismallard> I didn't see it in the backscroll for this channel. I usually don't read 19's backscroll since it's rather busy
[19:29] <aismallard> oh no. rounderpage based
[19:29] <~bluesoul> lol no just the minor-est element because i'm drunk and the thought of it's making me cackle
[19:29] <~bluesoul> are you familiar with poop.bike
[19:30] <aismallard> I'm scared just from the name
[19:30] <~bluesoul> https://poop.bike totally SFW
[19:30] <aismallard> Definitely has a rounderpage energy to it
[19:30] <~bluesoul> yeah so
[19:30] <~bluesoul> i wanna have some text spin over the foundation logo on a black-highlighter theme
[19:30] <~bluesoul> because the cool kids have BHL
[19:30] <~bluesoul> but my shit has spinners too
[19:31] <aismallard> lol
[19:31] <~bluesoul> anyway, imagine if you will the quintessential series 5 skip
[19:31] <aismallard> oh yeah re: team name, I was thinking "Tech Support" or something with RAISA
[19:31] <~bluesoul> discovery log, recovery log, journal/narrative, maybe some mixed media
[19:31] <~bluesoul> high production quality
[19:31] <~bluesoul> about a shed somewhere in, i dunno, indiana
[19:32] <~bluesoul> this shed is found to hold a variety of seemingly random items
[19:32] <aismallard> mhmm
[19:32] <~bluesoul> there's a bicycle, and a lawnmower, and some old flip-flops, and a photo album of an old lady and some small children
[19:32] <~bluesoul> they take all this back to Site-whatever for processing of thaumic energy and all-round good airwaves
[19:32] <~bluesoul> they return and find the shed now has a lock on it
[19:33] <~bluesoul> obviously we aren't meant to know what lies within yon shed
[19:33] <~bluesoul> we break the lock, and find more stuff. a weedwhacker, a gas can. some old hand tools, and an old journal from 1976
[19:33] <~bluesoul> it talks about how boring it is to be in indiana
[19:34] <~bluesoul> we go to an exploration log where an unidentified man says "Why the fuck do you keep breaking into my shed? I'm calling the police."
[19:34] <~bluesoul> and it turns out we're just serial burglars of this poor bastard's shed
[19:35] <aismallard> lmao
[19:35] <aismallard> poking fun at that extrajudicial raiding to contain anomalies
[19:35] <~bluesoul> i wanna poke fun at a lot of things
[19:36] <aismallard> right of course
[19:38] <~bluesoul> extraneous dialogue, which you did too as i recall
[19:40] <aismallard> given the vein of "the foundation stealing stuff", you could go the route of the -EX juicer scip and say they just keep it in the supply closet/breakroom/whatever when they find it's not anomalous
[19:40] <aismallard> to play into that ending with the homeowner
[19:40] <~bluesoul> lol
[19:40] <~bluesoul> "Can I at least have my bike back? It's kind of expensive."
[19:41] <~bluesoul> the bike was sold for scrap aluminum in a budgetary mix-up
[19:42] <aismallard> (Italics note: the bike was fed to SCP-blackbox as part of Protocol dumbname) Agent: Uh sorry it was destroyed in a car crash
[19:42] <aismallard> or that lol
[19:42] <~bluesoul> i would do the smorgasbord of shit i'm expected to memorize for the piece, -1, -A, -¿
[19:42] <~bluesoul> but i don't think i can fit that many mov— wait yeah i can
[19:42] <~bluesoul> yeah go for it,
[19:43] <~bluesoul> i could have like -A be a bike, -B is a lawnmower, -C is a pair of flip-flops, -D is an old handsaw, etc.
[19:43] <aismallard> inconsistent naming
[19:43] <~bluesoul> establish them once as those things just to never reference them again
[19:43] <aismallard> you have -A, -B, but also -1, and later -a which is different from -A
[19:43] <~bluesoul> lmao
[19:43] <~bluesoul> smol a
[19:44] <~bluesoul> i think -1 will be homeboy who we keep burgling but i have no problem using all kinds of wacky stuff
[19:45] <~bluesoul> MTF (construction noises)-7 ("Alphabet Haters")
[19:45] <aismallard> lol
[19:46] <aismallard> or the MTF from 1294-j: I like the idea of O5-7 being this petty kleptomaniac
[19:46] <~bluesoul> scp-1294-j
[19:46] <Secretary_Helen> bluesoul: SCP-1294-J: Watering-down Can (Rating: +50. Written 94 days ago By: aismallard) - http://scp-wiki.net/scp-1294-j
[19:47] <~bluesoul> god, your <End Log> setup there was one of the best passages in a -J i've ever seen
[19:47] <~bluesoul> "Sorry, that's protocol"
[19:47] <aismallard> I'm glad I cut the last addendum, the protocol line is a better ending
[19:47] <~bluesoul> and i actually missed that little bit of depth to the piece
[19:48] <~bluesoul> antique roadshow collectors
[19:48] <~bluesoul> lol
[19:49] <~bluesoul> well i like this being a totally mundane shed, would that make sense?
[19:49] <~bluesoul> does O5-7 just steal anything because he's mad with power
[19:50] <~bluesoul> like that does help the setup of conprocs i will admit
[19:50] <~bluesoul> because i can say examination of stuff requires the approval of O5-7
[19:51] <aismallard> I mean I think it's a funny idea, but unless it's the focus of the scip I would just slide it in for careful readers
[19:51] <aismallard> so one angle could be that O5-7 is a klepto and that's why he sent them to acquire this "scip"
[19:51] <aismallard> or it could be on the idea of foundation trespassing or whatever
[19:52] <~bluesoul> yeah i think i'm gonna try it for a draft and see how it looks, and yeah i don't really have the setup yet, the motivation, my wife pitched a junior researcher that's become totally paranoid and sees skips under every rock
[19:52] <aismallard> you know, I almost imagine that would actually happen. you get introduced to the idea that anomalies are real, and then you start correlating everything that's "weird" and thinking it's anomalous
[19:53] <aismallard> and your coworkers are like "dude, it's just a weird bug" or whatever
[19:54] <aismallard> like one of the weird things I think about the scpverse is, in-universe, what even is an anomaly? like we know because anything that can't happen irl here is anomalous. But how do they know?
[19:59] <~bluesoul> sorry, home connection crapped out briefly
[19:59] <~bluesoul> but i realized i had a connection here, i just got new neighbors
[19:59] <~bluesoul> my next-door neighbor and his wife moved to his wife's home country of the philippines
[19:59] <~bluesoul> the new neighbors are like, ridiculously friendly and industrious
[20:00] <~bluesoul> they, the husband and wife and two young sons, spent the entirety of a gorgeous saturday beating the dirt and grime out of a couple hundred square feat of astroturg
[20:00] <~bluesoul> astroturf*
[20:00] <~bluesoul> the literally did this from sunrise to sunset in june
[20:01] <~bluesoul> just whackin' away
[20:01] <~bluesoul> and i was sitting out front with my wife and, discreetly, elbowed her in the ribs and asked how many bodies they have buried
[20:06] <aismallard> lol wow


Let's lay this out like a modern S5 piece, use all the bullshit:

  • Fancy Theme (okay, can I have some text just slowly spin over the foundation logo?)
  • Esoteric Class?
  • Discovery Log
  • Journal
  • Exploration Log
  • Mixed media/audio?

Item #: SCP-XXXX-J

Object Class: ???

Special Containment Procedures: Provisional Site-XXXX has been constructed around the Johnson residence in ███████, Indiana, USA.1. SCP-XXXX-1 is currently under round-the-clock surveillance by β-14 operatives and RAISA Security Team 6 ("Paparazzi"). In the event that SCP-XXXX-1 initiates a TEN THOUSAND FISTS Event, β-14 is instructed to carry out Operation TAZE THAT ASS.

Description:

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