SCP-4065

Item #: SCP-4065

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The ownership of SCP-4065 has been purchased by a Foundation front company ("Sammy's Consumer Palace"), and SCP-4065 is to be continuously closed to the public via a cover story involving the site being renovated for a new grocery chain. Any civilians who attempt to enter SCP-4065 must be detained, debriefed, and administered amnestics before being released, well before they make contact with any instances of SCP-4065-1. Remains of SCP-4065-1 instances found within SCP-4065 are to be identified within the structure prior to disposal.

Foundation staff are no longer permitted within SCP-4065 except for in the event of a containment breach. Twice a week, exploration efforts are to be undertaken by D-Class personnel so that dangerous items from SCP-4065's aisles can be recovered and disposed of appropriately, in order to minimize potential for damage in the event of a containment breach.

During exploration within SCP-4065, D-Class personnel should be instructed to avoid giving instances of SCP-4065-1 requests or demands which will cause them to harm themselves or other instances of SCP-4065-1, unless this is a part of testing parameters. In addition, no access is allowed to areas labelled "EMPLOYEES ONLY" for any reason, at any time. Individuals entering these areas of either their own free will or by other means are to be considered lost. No rescue operations are to be conducted following the entry of Foundation personnel into an "EMPLOYEES ONLY" area, as these attempts would only result in further casualties.

Foundation staff who wish to obtain an item from SCP-4065 for study or personal use must first obtain permission from a member of Level 4 Research Staff in charge of overseeing work surrounding SCP-4065. After submitting a request, there will be a 48-hour waiting period before receiving either confirmation or denial of the submitted request. If the request is approved, the item will be obtained during the next scheduled exploration by a member of D-Class.

Due to SCP-4065's antimemetic properties, it is recommended that any information obtained by D-Class personnel during exploration of SCP-4065 is collected immediately after retrieval, in order to prevent any loss of information.

At no point should any reference be made to the asshole upstairs by any other title or alias in either speech or writing. The phrase the asshole upstairs has been authorized for use in official Foundation material in order to provide information about the asshole upstairs while avoiding a nomenclature breach. Personnel working with SCP-4065 are to be informed regarding the nature of the asshole upstairs by Level 4 Personnel who are also working with SCP-4065.

If for any reason the asshole upstairs should manifest, one of two protocols is to be enacted dependent upon whether or not the asshole upstairs manifests within or outside of SCP-4065:

+ Protocol P4-P3-R

Protocol P4-P3-R
If the asshole upstairs manifests within SCP-4065, MTF Lambda-14 ("One Star Reviewers") is to be deployed in order to prevent the individual responsible for the asshole upstairs' release from escaping SCP-4065, which would cause a larger breach of containment. They are also responsible for ensuring that instances of SCP-4065-1 sent into a "panicked" state are detained and prevented from causing damage to themselves or making attempts at escape from SCP-4065 until such a time as instances of SCP-4065-1 cease engaging in dangerous behaviors. Detainment of SCP-4065-1 instances is possible via the usage of tranquilizer ammunition, which is to be included instead of standard ammunition in the gear loadout of MTF Lambda-14 units during trips to SCP-4065. In the event that SCP-4065-1 instances are in immediate danger of breaching containment, enhanced measures are approved even if they may result in harm to SCP-4065-1 instances.

+ Protocol PL-45-T-1C

Protocol PL-45-T-1C
If the asshole upstairs manifests outside of SCP-4065 due to civilian nomenclature breach, MTF Lambda-14 ("One Star Reviewers") is to be deployed to the area of manifestation and begin the process of deploying amnestics to witnesses, as well as friends and family of the abducted individual.

In the event that a Foundation staff member or member of D-Class is responsible for a nomenclature breach, they are to be quarantined for a period of time no less than 48 hours. If at that time they are still present in the quarantine area, they are free to be released from containment, though disciplinary action will follow.

Description: SCP-4065 is a former grocery store in the town of ████████, Illinois. The store is named "Big Papa Porky's Grub Zone". Advertising material and in-store reference material states that the building is one of several in a grocery chain, with other locations supposedly existing throughout the Midwest United States. However, investigation efforts have failed in locating any other grocery establishments under this name or linked to SCP-4065 in any way.

SCP-4065 possesses a standard size for a grocery store, measuring out to 13,716 m² of floorspace. The layout is also standard for a retail building. SCP-4065 appears to be an attempted recreation of the ████████ chain of grocery stores, as evidenced by the visual similarity between the two stores' advertising material, layouts, and [REDACTED]. Of note is that the store contains no fire suppression sprinklers, fire extinguishers, security cameras, television screens, or telephones.

Rather than aisles containing standard grocery items, the aisles of SCP-4065 are made up of a mix of standard items as well as items that would not normally be sold in such an establishment, with a number of the items being either illegal or anomalous in nature. In addition, many of the items sold in SCP-4065 are sold far below projected market values, with some prices going as low as 6% of the original value of the item.

A following list of aisles within SCP-4065 and items sold within each aisle can be found in the table below, for reference:

Aisle #	Aisle Name	Contents
1	BAKING	A collection of supplies for baking, including but not limited to cake mix, cooking utensils, mixing bowls, pie crusts, cooking sheets, molds, sugar, flour, et cetera.
2	CLEANING SUPPLIES	Various cleaning supplies, including but not limited to rubber gloves, mops, brooms, buckets, dish soap, air freshener, sponges, et cetera.
3	PETS	A wide selection of pet-related materials, including but not limited to dog food, cat food, litter, chew toys, cat climbing trees, hamster wheels, bones, collars, and leashes. In addition, there are also several large plastic containers containing hunks of human flesh, live rats, dead fish, and several samples of [REDACTED].
4	NATURAL ORGANIC	A number of items advertised as being made from natural ingredients, with most items being non-GMO or gluten-free. Also contains a number of natural supplements and spices, as well as several containers of an as-of-yet unidentified rapidly-growing mold sample. Personnel assigned to exploration state that they have felt the aisle "speak to them" on several occasions, though recording equipment was unable to confirm these claims. Personnel also report feeling a low breeze, and tasting large amounts of mint and spinach.
5	CANDIES	A large amount of various candy items. None of the items possess company branding of any kind, examples including large chocolate bars simply labelled "CHOCOLATE BAR" and packs of mint chips simply labelled "MINT CIRCLES". Consumption of items from aisle #5 invariably results in a massive increase of energy via the sudden acquisition of █████mg of caffeine and sugar regardless of how much of a product from this aisle is actually consumed. This is followed by sporadic increases in the rate of tooth decay in the individual who consumed an item, inevitably resulting in a full loss of all teeth, and following this, the lower jaw, over a random period of time ranging anywhere from █ days to █ months.
6	OFFICE SUPPLIES	A varied collection of office equipment, including paper, pens, notebooks, desk lamps, staplers, paper clips, pins, et cetera. Since Foundation began containment of SCP-4065 in ██/██/20██, aisle #6 has gained a number of other items, such as desktop computers, laptops, flash drives, antivirus software, lab coats in a variety of sizes, padlocks, tactical bulletproof vests, night-vision goggles, coffee, and several bobbleheads which appear to bear a strong resemblance to SCP-███, SCP-███, SCP-███, and SCP-███.
7	KIL!! [sic]	A wide variety of various different weapons from different eras. Items include but are not limited to revolvers, hunting rifles, submachine guns, plastic explosives, swords, knives, grenades, power tools, sniper rifles, civilian-grade sidearms, [REDACTED], barbed wire, sandbags, vials of deadly neurotoxins, et cetera. However, aisle #7 does not contain any standard firearm ammunition, and many of the items are faulty or function below optimal levels.
8	BREAD	The entire aisle is made up of loaves of "PORKY'S BREAD". Loaves are indistinguishable from loaves of regular white bread available in other grocery stores. Notably, on all of the price tags, there is no price displayed, as with the other items within SCP-4065. Instead, the word "NO" is displayed. Instances of SCP-4065-1 refuse to sell bread from aisle #8 to customers under any circumstances, and bread removed from SCP-4065 results in a manifestation of the asshole upstairs.
9	COOK	This aisle is made up of various canned goods, including canned beans, canned fruit, canned vegetables, canned soup, et cetera. Several cans do not have labels, and are not capable of being opened through any means. Sounds of several different animals growling at once can be heard from these cans, and occasionally the cans will move to different areas of the store through unknown means while not under direct observation. Also of note is the fact that there are no can openers anywhere in the store.
10	HYGIENE	This aisle contains various personal hygiene implements, such as soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, toothbrushes, dental floss, hair dye, tweezers, et cetera. However, this aisle also contains a number of instruments with surgical origin, such as scalpels, vials of unknown anesthetic substances, IV bags, hospital gowns, bone-saws, suturing kits, bandages, et cetera.

Individuals who enter SCP-4065 are able to remember that they took a trip to the store, but they are incapable of remembering certain details regarding their visit following their exit from the premises. These details include the nature of SCP-4065-1 instances, the contents of the store's aisles, time spent within the store, and significant events that occurred during their trip.

If these details are restated to them outside of SCP-4065, they will then be able to recall their visit with perfect clarity. However, this clarity fades away over time, and the individual must be periodically reminded of their visit to SCP-4065 to maintain full knowledge of the details of their trip. This effect does not seem to extend to gaining knowledge of SCP-4065 while well outside of the actual building, either through the usage of audio/video footage, word of mouth, or official documentation. The only knowledge that is lost over time is recollection of the details of personal experiences within the structure itself.

It is unknown how SCP-4065 is able to maintain electricity, water, and regular maintenance. Reference materials and financial documents dated both prior to and after Foundation involvement (obtained either from the service desk or from requests given to SCP-4065-1 instances) show that SCP-4065 maintains a regular accumulation of profit, regardless of how much business the store actually receives. In addition, it is unknown how SCP-4065 maintains its stock, as no vendor trucks have ever arrived at SCP-4065's rear entrance to deliver materials or items.

Any individual who enters an "EMPLOYEES ONLY" area will disappear, with radio contact completely failing¹. Individuals who have entered "EMPLOYEES ONLY" areas will subsequently reappear as an instance of SCP-4065-1 after a period of time ranging from 2 to 3 weeks.

SCP-4065-1 is the collective classification given to the workers who inhabit SCP-4065. Instances of SCP-4065-1 resemble human individuals, with ages of SCP-4065-1 instances being in the 16-19 year age range, on average, though outliers exist, with the oldest recorded instance of SCP-4065-1 being 35 years of age, and the youngest recorded instance of SCP-4065-1 being 14 years of age.

SCP-4065-1 instances have all been confirmed to share similarities with individuals who have gone missing in the area, though the names on their name tags do not match up with those of missing persons.

Instances of SCP-4065-1 all wear bright red button-up shirts with long sleeves, fitted blue jeans, plastic clip-on name tags, and plastic masks resembling the cartoon pig mascot that SCP-4065 is named after, evidently called "Big Papa Porky".

SCP-4065-1 instances are unable to remove their masks through any means. To date, any efforts to remove the plastic masks from the faces of SCP-4065-1 instances has been met with failure, even during autopsies of deceased instances. SCP-4065-1 instances do not voice discomfort against efforts to remove the masks, but they do exhibit body language consistent with a sudden and powerful instance of anxiety or panic, with testing of vital signs during these attempts supporting this observation.

SCP-4065-1 instances are described by personnel assigned to SCP-4065 exploration duties as "friendly", "considerate", "kind", and "happy". Interviews of D-Class and personnel assigned to exploration duties have consistently resulted in the majority of interviewees stating they enjoyed their stay within SCP-4065, as well as interacting with instances of SCP-4065-1. However, there are several exceptions to this trend, with some interviewed individuals stating that they found the presence of the SCP-4065-1 instances disturbing or deeply uncomfortable in some way. It is unknown if either one of these sets of opinion is naturally occurring, or if they are instead another result of the anomalous properties of SCP-4065.

SCP-4065-1 instances carry out the typical roles of staff members in a grocery business, including bagging, cashiering, stocking, janitorial duties, greeting, et cetera. The only exception is cart pushers², as SCP-4065 possesses none, with customers having to bring carts in from outside, themselves. In the course of their duties, instances of SCP-4065-1 will obey any command given to them by an individual who has entered from outside SCP-4065, treating them as a customer. SCP-4065-1 instances continue working without break continuously. They will not move from their scheduled routes or posts, and do not require sustenance or rest, or to excrete waste.

Instances of SCP-4065-1 will obey commands from "customers" even when said commands will result in severe maiming or death of themselves or other instances of SCP-4065-1.

Through continued interviewing of SCP-4065-1 instances, it has been determined that, prior to Foundation involvement, SCP-4065-1 instances have accepted commands including but not limited to:

• Fist-fight other SCP-4065-1 instances
• Kill other SCP-4065-1 instances
• Dance
• Sing
• Tell jokes
• Take a nap
• Check the time
• Check the weather
• Cry
• Give 35 coupons to a customer
• Allow a customer to leave with 57 cans of sliced peaches without paying
• Swallow a whole eggplant in under thirty seconds
• Place all of a customer's items in one paper bag without it breaking
• Die
• Commit suicide
• Perform the pledge of allegiance

SCP-4065-1 instances will not accept commands that would likely result in the harm or death of another "customer", or require them to exit SCP-4065. Instances of SCP-4065-1 will also not accept requests to remove any part of their uniforms, reacting with particular alarm to any request to remove their masks.

If an instance of SCP-4065-1 is physically unable to fulfill a request within the aforementioned guidelines, they will transform into a pile of dust. This also occurs if an instance of SCP-4065-1 steps outside of the building for any reason, either due to being in their "panicked" state or due to being pulled out by outside forces. Despite this resulting in their death, SCP-4065-1 instances will not fight back against individuals attempting to force them out of the store. Analysis of the resulting powder concludes that it is made up of a mixture of breadcrumbs, garlic powder, onion powder, sugar, and ashes. The dust possess an initial temperature of 65°C following transformation, so personnel are advised to avoid contact with any instances of it until sufficient cooling.

Instances of SCP-4065-1 appear to be physically unstable. Instances will slowly develop a number of harmful medical symptoms without concrete origin, including but not limited to: intense nausea, vomiting, coughing, heart palpitations, temperature imbalances, increased bone fragility, et cetera. Instances with these symptoms will typically survive for a period of █ to █ months before all vital signs cease and the instance collapses. SCP-4065-1 instances will never ask for assistance or acknowledge the existence of these ailments. SCP-4065-1 instances who die in this manner rather than due to failing an order or going outside of SCP-4065 will not transform into dust, but will instead remain as solid corpses. After one month of time has passed, an SCP-4065-1 instance identical to the deceased instance will emerge from one of the "EMPLOYEES ONLY" areas. SCP-4065-1 instances who are transformed into dust will not be resurrected in this manner.

If at any point the asshole upstairs manifests within SCP-4065, SCP-4065-1 instances will enter a "panicked" state, where they will begin attempting to put as much distance between themselves and the asshole upstairs as possible, often injuring themselves or others in the process in their haste. SCP-4065-1 instances may even attempt to exit SCP-4065 entirely during their "panicked" state. This "panicked" state typically lasts up to two hours after the asshole upstairs has ceased a period of manifestation.

Addendum SCP-4065-01: the asshole upstairs
Due to the risk associated with dissemination of information regarding nomenclative infohazards related to SCP-4065, the following material requires a Level 4 clearance. If you do not possess a high enough clearance, but you are assigned work involving SCP-4065, you are expected to receive briefing from a Level 4 Head Researcher.

+ LEVEL 4 CLEARANCE CHECK

the asshole upstairs refers to an entity residing in the upstairs office. The door to the upstairs office cannot be opened normally or through the use of force. Personnel have stated that they have felt "uneasy" when standing near the door, and have described hearing sounds similar to pigs grunting, although the sound is reportedly slightly distorted.

the asshole upstairs, when referred to by any other title, name, or even through the use of personal pronouns, will manifest near the individual doing so, rendering the asshole upstairs a nomenclative infohazard. Describing the attributes and appearance of the asshole upstairs does not seem to bring about this effect.

the asshole upstairs, much like instances of SCP-4065-1, dresses in a red shirt, jeans, an irremovable cartoon pig mask, and possesses a name tag, albeit a blank one. the asshole upstairs is much larger than any other instances of SCP-4065-1, with a height of 2.4 m. the asshole upstairs is capable of travelling through teleportation. This process is not instant, however, with average response time after nomenclature breach at around 30 seconds minimum to 8 minutes maximum depending upon distance from SCP-4065.

Audio and video logs collected from these incidents, as well as testimony from witnesses, have both shown that the asshole upstairs is impatient, temperamental, prone to fits of rage, and generally hostile.

When the asshole upstairs manifests as a result of being addressed by any name other than the asshole upstairs, the asshole upstairs will begin conversing with the individual responsible, similar to how someone in charge of a grocery store would come to resolve a dispute or answer a customer's question. The ensuing conversation can take many forms, but it will invariably result in the asshole upstairs stating that the asshole upstairs and the individual responsible for summoning the asshole upstairs should "have a chat" in the upstairs office.

Following this, the asshole upstairs will grab the target individual, and both will vanish, with the target individual later emerging from an "EMPLOYEES ONLY" area as an instance of SCP-4065-1.

The only exception to this rule is if the offender is a member of Foundation staff. If a member of Foundation staff triggers a nomenclature breach and the asshole upstairs manifests to begin speaking with them, the asshole upstairs may remark that the Foundation as a whole is "some of the store's best customers" and omit abducting them as a result. Looking at past instances of this particular type of event, it has been determined that Foundation staff have roughly a 60% chance of avoiding abduction by the asshole upstairs.

In addition, the identity of the asshole upstairs prior to the manifestation of SCP-4065's anomalous effects is unknown, as no record exists of the management of SCP-4065 prior to the purchase of the building by the Foundation.

It should be noted that any attempt to remove an aisle #8 item from SCP-4065 will also result in a manifestation of the asshole upstairs.

Addendum SCP-4065-2: Interview Log
The following is a series of interviews with SCP-4065-1 instances, conducted by both D-Class personnel with radio headsets linking them to SCP-4065 research staff. Also included is an audio log created by Agent Andrew Julius (deceased).

+ Open Interview Log

Interviewer: D-78832, a 30-year-old male, delivering questions written and organized by Dr. Kimball, who delivers the questions to D-78832 via the subject's radio headset
Interviewee: "Jimmy", an instance of SCP-4065-1, appearing to be roughly 17 years of age
Additional Notes: This is one of the first interviews conducted, following several days after the implementation of special containment procedures regarding SCP-4065 and the first exploration efforts, which among other things resulted in the realization that attempted forcible extraction of SCP-4065-1 instances would result in their deaths.
Items Purchased: 1 bottle of dish soap, 1 large chocolate bar, 1 roll of paper towels, 1 stapler

"Jimmy": Hello, there! You find everything you were looking for, today?
D-78832: Uh, yeah, I got everything okay. Heh. Haven't been grocery shopping in a while.
"Jimmy": [Laughs] Yeah, I've been there, man. Hard to find the time, sometimes, right? Do you have any coupons or catalogs for us, today?
[ D-78832 is reminded to stay on-script. ]
D-78832: Uh, no, nothing today.
"Jimmy": Alrighty! Your total is $0.96!
D-78832: Thanks, kid. …Say, mind if I ask you a couple questions?
"Jimmy": Yeah, sure, no problem! What can I do to help you out, today?
D-78832: I just had some questions about the place, was all. How long have you been working here?
"Jimmy": Oh, man, that takes me back. So, picture the guy before you, right? Now wind the clock on back to 1999, and you will see a pimply-faced dropout with no prospects, no future, and worst of all, no car.
D-78832: [Laughs] Believe me, kid, that's more familiar to me than you might think. I got through school alright and everything, but you know, after a while, the things you plan on, they just tend to…I don't know, fall out, I guess. You lose focus. I know it can be hard, is all I'm saying.
[ D-78832 once again reminded to stay on-script or face disciplinary action. ]
"Jimmy:" Yeah. But look at me, now, right? Could not be happier. Ever since I started at Porky's, I've got it made. Good people, good times, good laughs. It's the best! You know, you seem like a cool dude. Tell you what, take a coupon. My treat.
[ "Jimmy" hands D-78832 a "95% OFF" coupon. ]
D-78832: Oh, hey, thanks. Damn, that's a pretty solid fuckin' discount. …How do you guys stay in business?
"Jimmy:" Oh, it's no big deal. It's the company philosophy, is all. Anything you can do to bring the customer back just means more business in the long run. You gotta spend money to make money, you know?
D-78832: Yeah, I guess so. …You ever thought about going into any other line of work, though?
"Jimmy": Why would I? They treat me right, here. I couldn't imagine going anywhere else, not even for a second. I know it sounds stupid, man, but, like…this place is more than a store, you know? It's like…home, in a weird way. You get to know the people here, they get to know you. Good people, good times, good laughs. It's the best! You know, you really are just a great customer. I probably shouldn't, but lemme just sneak you another coupon before you head out. My treat.
[ "Jimmy" hands D-78832 another "95% OFF" coupon. ]
D-78832: Shit, uh…thanks.
[ D-78832 instructed to vacate SCP-4065. ]
D-78832: Anyway, I, uh…I should probably get going. Thanks again, though. Have a good one, alright?
"Jimmy": You bet! Have an porky evening!
[ END LOG ]

The following transcript is taken from a debriefing of D-78832 following the subject's experiences in SCP-4065.

Interviewer: Dr. Kimball
Interviewee: D-78832
Additional Notes: None

Dr. Kimball: How are you feeling?
D-78832: Okay, I guess. Bit tired. …Not exactly a great feeling to get let outside just to go on a grocery run. I know I don't have much in here, but I thought I at least had my dignity, you know?
Dr. Kimball: D-78832—
D-78832: ████ is fine.
Dr. Kimball: I hope I don't have to remind you the consequences of failing to be addressed by your assigned D-Class code.
D-78832: … [Sighs] Fine.
Dr. Kimball: D-78832, you are aware that you weren't sent there just on a grocery run, correct? SCP-4065 is a potentially dangerous anomaly. We needed you and the others assigned to the building to ascertain the nature of the inhabitants.
D-78832: …
Dr. Kimball: D-78832?
[ D-78832 lightly claps his hands together, suddenly. ]
D-78832: That's right! The kids in the pig masks, right? Fuck, I…wow, that's so weird, it completely slipped my mind for a minute, until you said it, just now.
Dr. Kimball: You forgot what went on in the building?
D-78832: Yeah, but I remember it, now. Guess that's maybe part of what it does, right? Some of that, er…mind shit. Freaky.
Dr. Kimball: Hmm. We're going to have you go through a round of psychiatric testing, just to make sure this effect doesn't have any dangerous aspects.
D-78832: Yeah, alright. Suits me fine, going over stuff with the shrinks keeps me away from anything that can kill me. I feel fine, though, doc, honest. That place, it was freaky, but…I don't know…
Dr. Kimball: …Go on.
D-78832: I wasn't scared, you know? Not for me, anyway. It was a good place. The kid working there, Jimmy, you could just…you could just tell he was a good kid, you know? No bullshit. …Too easy to get wrapped up in bullshit when you're young, but you could tell he wasn't wrapped up in all that, you could…it's like, uh…he felt like someone you could talk to and they'd get it, you know? Hell, they all did. The grocer I talked to while I was picking up the soap, the guy in the deli selling that weird meat. They looked creepy, sure, and some of the shit they were doing was super fucking weird, but they still seemed like good people.
Dr. Kimball: So you would say you enjoyed your time there?
D-78832: Yeah! Yeah. …There any chance I'll get to go back there?
Dr. Kimball: We'll see. For now, your only assignment is to undergo psychiatric testing. You will be informed later if you will return to this assignment.
D-78832: Alright, doc, if you're sure. Gotta say, I'd really like to go back again. That place beats half the shit you people have had me do for the past couple weeks.
[ END LOG ]

Following this, after completing psychiatric testing, D-78832 slowly began to forget about the details of his trip to SCP-4065. This is considered to be consistent with what is known about the anomalous effect on memory possessed by SCP-4065. Amnestics were deployed to remove the subject's memory of the interview that followed his SCP-4065 assignment.

The following exchange took place several days later, after exploration efforts led to the realization that SCP-4065-1 instances would accept commands from anyone perceived as a customer.

Subject: D-21216, arrested for multiple counts of armed robbery and homicide, aided by the usage of a radio headset linking the subject to Dr. Kimball
Interviewee: "Jimmy"
Additional Notes: "Jimmy" appeared very sick, sweating profusely, shaking, and coughing regularly. D-21216 was instructed to rob the SCP-4065-1 instance, asking the instance to hand over all money in the register. This was to gauge how SCP-4065-1 instances would address a situation where they had to choose between "customer" satisfaction and integrity of SCP-4065.
*Items Purchased:** 1 pair of medical tweezers.

"Jimmy": Hi, there, sir! Did you enjoy shopping with us, today?
D-21216: Yeah, it was fine.
"Jimmy": Glad to hear it!
[ "Jimmy" opens the cash register. D-21216 receives the order to begin the robbery. ]
"Jimmy": Do you have any coupons or cat—
[ D-21216 grabs the tweezers off of the lane and points them at "Jimmy". Several other SCP-4065-1 instances turn to observe, but do not otherwise interfere. ]
"Jimmy": Is there a problem, sir?
D-21216: Shut the fuck up!
"Jimmy": …
D-21216: All the money in the register. Now! And don't try anything funny.
[ "Jimmy" complies with the command, collecting all the money in the register and handing it to D-21216. Total funds add up to $2.17. ]
D-21216: What, are you fucking serious?!
"Jimmy": …
D-21216: I asked you a question, dipshit, why don't you take that stupid fucking mask off and answer me.
"Jimmy": I'm sorry, sir, I'm afraid I can't remove my mask. Company policy. Would you like more money? I'd be happy to accommodate you.
D-21216: Is that a joke? Yes, give me more money, this is barely enough to buy a pack of gum.
[ "Jimmy" motions to the other SCP-4065-1 instances, who, one by one, begin gathering their own register funds and delivering them to the checkout lane where D-21216 is located, before returning to their posts. The total sum of funds is $45.03. D-21216 takes the money. ]
D-21216: This is absolutely pathetic. I should rip your fucking throat out with these tweezers.
[ D-21216 ordered to stand down and discard the tweezers. ]
"Jimmy": Would you like to rip out my throat, sir? Would that help you feel better?
"Jimmy:" I would be more than happy to help with anything that will aid your shopping experience! That's the Porky's way, after all! Good people, good times, good laughs!
[ D-21216 grabs the money and vacates SCP-4065. ]
[ END LOG ]

Following this incident, D-21216 began to forget the precise details of their trip into SCP-4065. The obtained money was placed into a low-value storage container alongside several other items recovered from SCP-4065.

Also following this incident, Agent Andrew Julius, a member of Foundation staff assigned to containing SCP-4065, went missing from a nearby surveillance outpost. His room showed signs of a struggle, and the only item of his that was fund was a personal Foundation-issue recording unit. A transcript of the audio recorded on the unit can be found below.

Agent Julius: Agent Andrew Julius. Date is October ██, 20██. All quiet. Caught a couple of kids smoking next to the building a few nights back, but that's been about it. Story's holding up, well. For now, anyway.
[ Agent Julius sighs, and the sound of window blinds can be heard. ]
Agent Julius: Porky's is an odd one, but in comparison to other items I've worked with, it's at least easy to keep under wraps. …No, not easy. Simple. Not a lot of moving parts. Other sites, you sometimes have to deal with these massive breaches, but here, it's more like you have to deal with a lot more smaller almost-breaches, maybe a handful every month. Mostly kids. I just worry that this renovation cover-up is only gonna work as a temporary measure. I mean, this is a big town. Not Chicago, maybe, but still. People start wondering what's taking so long, we're gonna need a lot more amnestics.
[ The sound of a computer booting up can be heard. ]
Agent Julius: I have reminders on my computer so I can remember the trip I took inside. Spent an hour with the initial response team, but I still keep getting fuzzy on the details if I don't look at notes I made for myself about it. Memory seems to start fading out maybe two or three days after each reminder. Completely gone a week or so after that.
[ The sounds of a computer mouse clicking can be heard. ]
Agent Julius: It's the weirdest kind of info loss, too. I've dealt with a small handful of infohazards here and there, but this one's unique. I can remember that I've been there, I just can't recall the details after a while. And I still remember everything from the file, none of that stuff is leaking. Not yet, at least.
[ The sound of a chair being moved can be heard, followed once more by the sound of window blinds being adjusted. ]
Agent Julius: Can never get just the right amount of light in here. Anyway, I guess that's everything, Kimball. Gotta say, though, we should try and see if there is any way we can help those kids. Not right, whatever happened to them. …Weird how we haven't seen a ███████, yet.
the asshole upstairs: You rang?
[ A gun discharging can be heard, along with sounds of a scuffle. After several moments, Agent Julius lets out a yell, and the recording stops abruptly. ]

Interviewer: Dr. Kimball, a head researcher involved with study of SCP-4065
Interviewee: "Jimmy"
Additional Notes: This interview was conducted during an exploration mission conducted to locate Agent Julius, who had gone missing from an outpost. Agent Julius would later reemerge as an SCP-4065-1 instance.
Items Purchased: One can of tomato soup

Dr. Kimball: Hello, Jimmy. How are you feeling, today?
"Jimmy:" I'm doing great, sir, thanks for asking! Seems like we're really busy, today! Haven't had this many in a while.
Dr. Kimball: I actually wanted to ask you about that. Some of my friends here are looking for someone who went missing a while ago, a friend of ours. Do you know anything about that?
"Jimmy:"" Hmm. I'm afraid I don't sir, but it sounds awful serious. I bet ██████ would know.
Dr. Kimball: ██████? Is that your ███████?
"Jimmy:"" Sure is! In fact, here ███ is right now!
[ the asshole upstairs materializes near Dr. Kimball ]
the asshole upstairs: So what's the issue?
Dr. Kimball: Oh, er, hello. I'm Dr. Kimball. We're searching for a missing friend of ours, a man in a suit. Answers to Andrew Julius. Have you perhaps seen him?
the asshole upstairs: Look, dickwad, I'm not gonna go out of my way to keep track of every loser who decides it's a fun idea to wander their dumb asses into the backrooms. Why don't you go and look for yourself instead of fucking bothering me? I'm busy.
Dr. Kimball: Excuse me?! [ Into headset ] This is Kimball, we have a situation at the front end of the store, unidentified 4065-1 instance exhibiting strange behavior.
the asshole upstairs: Ugggggghhhh, I can see you're the type of dude who's gonna go and make a whole federal goddamn issue out of it. Fine. Let's go to my office.
[ the asshole upstairs then grips Dr. Kimball tightly, and the video/audio feed cuts off. ]
[ END LOG ]

Some time following this incident, Dr. Kimball reemerged as an instance of SCP-4065-1, and the decision was made that Foundation staff would no longer be permitted to enter SCP-4065.

Addendum SCP-4065-03: The following are a series of pieces of notebook paper, presumably from a personal journal, found in the garbage bin at one of the checkout lanes during an exploration of SCP-4065. They have writing in them, and are currently believed to have been written by an instance of SCP-4065-1.

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fucking drag, honestly. Still, if it'll get Dad off my back for ten seconds, I'll do it, and I could use the cash anyway. Still, what a fucking name. Porky's. Pretty sure they'll get sued for copyright or whatever by warn

the asshole upstairs one more fucking time, I'm gonna flip my fucking shit. And yeah, sure, the asshole upstairs probably has a real name, but what's the fucking point if my name is apparently too fucking hard to remember for more than five seconds. What gives someone like that the right to tell me what to fucking do? Hell, to tell any of us what to fucking do? At least we actually do work instead of sit around on our fat asses watching fucking soap operas in our cushy office chairs, only bothering to check on downstairs when some old asshole has a stupid fucking compl

nally got the new masks, today. Still bummed as shit we won't be able to wear our own costumes for Halloween, but at least it's something. Behold, the wrath of Pig Boy! If only these things weren't only slightly more scary than damp moss. I'll say this much, though, at least nobody will be able to see my acn

I'm dead fucking positive that the asshole upstairs has the place bugged or some shit, seems like every time some old fart complains about customer service or whatever, the asshole upstairs just bursts out of the fucking ground or some shit, and that's three people fired just this month, how the fuck does this place stay in business? hasn't caught me slacking, though, so i guess i'm just lucky or somet

If i have to tell the asshole upstairs one more goddamn time that my name is not fucking jimmy, i'm gonna commit a felony, i have a name tag for a reason, fucking read it

i'm so fucking sick of this place i want to go home already
when's break gonna en

so fucking si

Footnotes

1. Drones and camera equipment sent into "EMPLOYEES ONLY" areas has been met with similar equipment failure, as well as equipment vanishing entirely.

2. Individuals who would go outside of the store to collect carts and bring them back into the store.